In
teaching the people in ancient America, Jesus said, “Ye have heard that it was
said by them of old time, Thou shalt not kill; and whosoever shall kill shall
be in danger of the judgment of God. But
I say unto you, that whosoever is angry with his brother shall be in danger of his
judgment.” (Book of Mormon /3 Nephi 12:21-22) Christ says that we are not to be
angry with whom the individuals we interact with, otherwise we will incur the
displeasure of our Heavenly Father. We
can be angry at things like social injustice, bad government, high taxes, etc.,
but with individuals, we need to learn how to deal with annoying or offending situations
without anger.
Christ
said, “For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention
is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he
stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another. Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up
the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine,
that such things should be done away.”(3 Nephi 11:29 - 30) Likewise King Benjamin said, “neither will ye
suffer that they (your children) transgress the laws of God, and fight and
quarrel one with another, and serve the devil, who is the master of sin…”(Mosiah
4:14)
There
are many instances where we feel justified in getting angry-- too many to even
begin to enumerate. However, I believe
that Jesus Christ provided solutions to help us quickly resolve that anger and
be reconciled to those whom we are upset with.
Our
first step in containing our anger is the knowledge that God does not approve
of us being angry. The second step is
trying to live the two great commandments.
“Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy
soul, and with all thy mind. This is the
first and great commandment. And the
second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. (Matthew
22:37 - 39)
Christ said, “love your enemies, bless them that
curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully
use you and persecute you. (Book of Mormon | 3 Nephi 12:44) In order to be true
followers of Christ, we must love our enemies and need to remember that when
someone makes us angry, in essence, they become our enemy. In order to deal with our current enemy, we
need to know that to love them is to wish for and respond with genuine concern
for the welfare of their soul. As the Lord “doeth not anything save it be for
the benefit of the world; for he loveth the world…” (2 Nephi 26:24), we should
strive to do likewise, even for those who have offended us.
There
are different levels of anger, from a short-lived, impromptu reaction to an
unexpected offense to harboring resentment or holding a grudge for years. Our anger at our two year old who just took a
black marker to our light colored couch would be different than if our 12 year
old did it or if our 32 year old neighbor did the same thing. Most of us experience offenses great and
small in our lifetime. Any action we
take towards the offender, whether it be to teach our child consequences for
their actions or to legal justice being served for a great offense, needs to be
motivated by the desire to help the offender learn and grow from their mistakes
or actions.
Christ
said to “agree with thine adversary quickly” (Matthew 5:25) which I believe
means to make up quickly with the person who has annoyed you, hurt you, upset
you, etc. Holding a grudge or refusing
to forgive, does not do anyone any good. “For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your
heavenly Father will also forgive you: But
if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your
trespasses. (Matthew 6:14 - 15) Jesus
also said, “Therefore, if ye shall come unto me, or shall desire to come unto
me, and rememberest that thy brother hath aught against thee— Go thy way unto
thy brother, and first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come unto me with
full purpose of heart, and I will receive you. (3 Nephi 12:23 - 24) We cannot even approach God, let alone have
His Spirit to be with us, when we are or have been mad at someone, and not
reconciled with them yet.
Often a
source of contention or anger comes from others’ actions in regards to our
personal possessions. We are often
tested to see if we will choose the better part which is love of God and His
children more than the things of the world as in the child’s mistreatment of
the couch. Yet others should not be
allowed simply to destroy things, but we need to deal with those situations
without anger.
“Give
to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn thou not
away”, said Christ. (3 Nephi 12:42)
Again we are dealing with personal possessions and often we are annoyed
when others want the things we possess. This natural tendency occurs at a very
young age, as often children fight over the same toy. We need to “let go” of being possessed by our
possessions and freely share. The Lord
said that “it is not given that one man should possess that which is above
another, wherefore the world lieth in sin.” (Doctrine and Covenants | Section
49:20)
On rare occasions, our possessions may be
stolen from us. A wonderful example of
what our attitude should be is the reaction of the Bishop in “Les Miserables”
when Jean Valjean stole the silverware.
The next morning at sunrise
Monseigneur Bienvenu was strolling in his garden. Madame Magloire ran up to him in utter
consternation.
"Monseigneur,
Monseigneur!" she exclaimed, "does your Grace know where the basket
of silver is?"
"Yes," replied the
Bishop.
"Jesus the Lord be
blessed!" she resumed; "I did not know what had become of it."
The Bishop had just picked up
the basket in a flower-bed. He presented it to Madame Magloire.
"Here it is."
"Well!" said she.
"Nothing in it! And the silver?"
"Ah," returned the
Bishop, "so it is the silver which troubles you? I don't know where it is."
"Great, good God! It is
stolen! That man who was here last night has stolen it.
Monseigneur, the man
is gone! The silver has been stolen!"
The Bishop remained silent
for a moment; then he raised his grave eyes, and said gently to Madame
Magloire:--
"And, in the first
place, was that silver ours?"
Madame Magloire was
speechless. Another silence ensued; then the Bishop went on:--
"Madame
Magloire, I have for a long time detained that silver wrongfully. It belonged
to the poor. Who was that man? A poor man, evidently."
The Bishop did
not let his possessions possess him. He
loved his “enemy” and that love was even more evident when the police caught
Jean Valjean and brought him to the Bishop.
"Ah! here you are!"
he exclaimed, looking at Jean Valjean. "I am glad to see you. Well, but
how is this? I gave you the candlesticks too, which are of silver like the
rest, and for which you can certainly get two hundred francs. Why did you not
carry them away with your forks and spoons?"
In returning
kindness instead of anger, the Bishop succeeded in not only getting rid of his
enemy by turning him into a friend, but also, because of his interest in the
welfare of Jean Valjean’s soul, said:
"Do
not forget, never forget, that you have promised to use this money in becoming
an honest man." Jean Valjean, who had no recollection of ever having promised
anything, remained speechless. The Bishop had emphasized the words when he
uttered them. He resumed with solemnity:--"Jean Valjean, my brother, you
no longer belong to evil, but to good. It is your soul that I buy from you; I
withdraw it from black thoughts and the spirit of perdition, and I give it to
God."
This recurred to his mind
unceasingly. To this celestial kindness he opposed pride, which is the fortress
of evil within us. He was indistinctly conscious that the pardon of this priest
was the greatest assault and the most
formidable attack which had moved him yet; that his obduracy was finally
settled if he resisted this clemency; that if he yielded, he should be obliged to renounce that hatred with which the
actions of other men had filled his soul through so many years, and which
pleased him; that this time it was necessary to conquer or to be conquered; and
that a struggle, a colossal and final struggle, had been begun between his
viciousness and the goodness of that man….Did a voice whisper in his ear that
he had just passed the solemn hour
of his destiny; that there no longer remained a middle course for him; that if
he were not henceforth the best of men, he would be the worst; that it behooved
him now, so to speak, to mount
higher than the Bishop, or fall lower than the convict; that if he wished to
become good be must become an angel;
that if he wished to remain evil, he must become a monster?
Victor Hugo continues to write,
“On emerging from that black and deformed thing which is called the galleys,
the Bishop had hurt his soul, as too vivid a light would have hurt his eyes on
emerging from the dark. The future life, the possible life which offered itself
to him henceforth, all pure and radiant, filled him with tremors and anxiety.
He no longer knew where he really was. Like an owl, who should suddenly see the
sun rise, the convict had been dazzled and blinded, as it were, by virtue.That which
was certain, that which he did not doubt, was that he was no longer the same
man, that everything about him was changed…”
The actions and words of the Bishop changed Jean Valjean’s life for
good. Even if it hadn’t changed his
life, the Bishop did the right thing.
The Lord said, “…if men will
smite you, or your families, once, and ye bear it patiently and revile not
against them, neither seek revenge, ye shall be rewarded; But if ye bear it not
patiently, it shall be accounted unto you as being meted out as a just measure
unto you. (Doctrine and Covenants | Section 98:23 - 24) Notice that we are to bear persecution and
affliction from the hands of others patiently.
Getting angry is not bearing it patiently.
Unfortunately, the individuals
we get any at the most often are members of our own family. Children are so active and loud, especially
in large families, and there can be bickering, disobedience, complaining,
fighting, rough housing, etc. that can annoy and upset parents. I have lost my temper at my children more
than once. However, I had an experience
that I have often pondered on. The Lord
filled me with His love for three days when I was in my early thirties. I had four children at the time, who were
very rambunctious and I often found myself yelling at them in order to get
their attention or obedience. However,
during those three days, I could not possibly raise my voice to those precious
souls God had given me to take care of.
I was able to handle conflicts or disturbances with calmness and love. A great peace settled over our home for those
three days. Then after that I got sick
and by the time I got well, I was back to my old self, but desired greatly to
become that person I was for those three days.
I am in my sixties now and my children are grown, and I have learned a
lot about what I needed to change in myself and it isn’t until now that I am
being taught about the Lord’s perspective on anger. I guess I always knew that we shouldn’t raise
our voices, but I felt justified in doing so and felt that was the only way I
could get my kids attention or, by golly, they should know that what they did
angered me! I really wish I understood
what I now understand about anger back then.
Perhaps the reason I am just now gaining an understanding of this, is
that I had so much other things to work on in myself first. I never have been one to hold grudges against
another and have learned a lot what it means to forgive through some serious offenses
to my family. It is now that I am
learning that what we would consider minimal anger is not pleasing to the Lord. I hope
I can help someone else understand this much earlier in their life than me.
Someone might argue that there
are several scriptures that mention God’s wrath, His anger, and His vengeance.
For example, “And again I say unto you, if ye observe to do whatsoever I
command you, I, the Lord, will turn away all wrath and indignation from you,
and the gates of hell shall not prevail against you. (Doctrine and Covenants |
Section 98:22) or “Thus shall mine anger be accomplished, and I will cause my
fury to rest upon them, and I will be comforted: and they shall know that I the
LORD have spoken it in my zeal, when
I have accomplished my fury in them. Moreover I will make thee waste, and a
reproach among the nations that are
round about thee, in the sight of all that pass by. So it shall be a reproach
and a taunt, an instruction and an astonishment unto the nations that are round about thee, when I shall
execute judgments in thee in anger and in fury and in furious rebukes. I the LORD have spoken it. (Old Testament | Ezekiel 5:13 - 15)
We assume God’s anger and wrath
is the same as ours. It is not. He explains, “I, the Lord, am angry with the
wicked; I am holding my Spirit from the inhabitants of the earth.”(Doctrine and
Covenants | Section 63:32) When we are
disobedient and choose wickedness over righteousness, God’s punishment is to
withdraw His spirit and leave us to our own devices and misperceptions. “I
have sworn in my wrath, and decreed wars upon the face of the earth, and the
wicked shall slay the wicked, and fear shall come upon every man.” (Doctrine
and Covenants | Section 63:33) God did not inspire wars, but with the
withdrawal of His spirit, Satan is free to influence men to contend with one
another and wars ensue.
Another great key to curbing
your anger is to try to develop a sense of humor. Satan doesn’t have a sense of humor and to
dispel the temptation to get angry, turn it into something funny. Finding humor in a situation can dispel angry
thoughts instantly.
One piece of advice that I have
found really works is to not “sweat the small stuff” in life. Sometimes we get angry over things that
really do not matter. So what if the
driver in front of you made you miss the green light and added a minute to your
commute. So what if your wife doesn’t
shut the cabinet doors in the kitchen. We are being hypocritical when we focus
on the faults of others! (3 Nephi 14: 5) Our relationship with others is what is
really important. “For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and
with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. (vs. 2) Christ
continues, “Therefore, all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to
you, do ye even so to them, for this is the law and the prophets.” (3 Nephi
14:12)
The only scripture that perhaps
justifies anger towards someone is found in Doctrine and Covenants 121,
however, there is a stipulation that we must be certain that we are “moved by
the Holy Ghost” when we do so. Most
often, we simply react to an unpleasant situation and the Holy Ghost had
nothing to do with it. The context of
this scripture is love towards that individual during that unpleasant moment.
No power or
influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by
persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love
unfeigned; By kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the
soul without hypocrisy, and without guile—Reproving betimes with sharpness,
when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an
increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be
his enemy; That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of
death.(Doctrine and Covenants | Section 121:41 - 44)
Jesus said, “Lay not up for
yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and thieves
break through and steal; But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where
neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor
steal. For where your treasure is, there
will your heart be also. (Book of Mormon | 3 Nephi 13:19 - 21) The eternal heavenly thing that cannot be
stolen or corrupted is the love we have for each other and God. Although that love may not be perfected yet,
it is something we should strive for, to pray for, and in so doing, our
relationship with God and our fellow beings will increase in joy.
